I was once all alone and abandoned.
Having no one to turn to
Except for my speechless companion.
Then a friend came along
and I taught him what was right and wrong.
Together, we completed his roundup.
I was once all alone and afraid.
Trapped in a box,
With my hair tied in a braid.
During the day
a sheriff came along,
Helping us escape all that's wrong
Although I was once afraid and abandoned
I am brave, never showing my sadness.
I am overexcited and I love to play,
especially with my rescuer
and my four-legged companion
In my new home,
there's more than just the roundup.
I no longer have to be all alone and blue
Because I know I've got a friend in you.
______ FROM TOY STORY 2/3
AAAAAAW :*) that last line made me smile ahaha....
ReplyDeleteThat is a really adorable poem Kristen.
Ok...now for the critical commentary:
I don't think you have to make any dramatic changes to your poem.
Though there is one sentence that I would consider revising.
I am overexcited and I love to play,
especially with my rescuer
(this line) and my four-legged companion
I think it would be great if you added "new" before "four-legged companion), just because you had gained a friend in the time your rescuer came for you. Though I am not too sure if Jesse met Bullseye in Toy Story 2 lol.....
So just correct me if I'm wrong :)
Overall, Great poem Kristen!
I really like your poem I think it's adorable(:
ReplyDeleteBy the end of the poem I could definitely tell that you were talking about Jesse. You did a very good job at showing her characteristics and comparing her personality to your own.
The only think I thought was strange was that the 1st and the 5th stanza both ended with the word companion. I thought it sounded a little strange but that might just be me (x
Overall very good (and cute) poem. Well Done(:
Hi Kristen,
ReplyDeleteI have never seen the "Toy Story" movies so I'll need to rely on your teammates about the allusion.
I can, however, comment on word choice. I would recommend revising "companion" because it sounds abstract and general. I would also revise "overexcited" is somewhat negative ("over") and I don't think you mean it to be negative.
Looking forward to seeing the graphic :)
mrs s